25 signs that you’re a Dubai triathlete

1. Your training wheels are made of carbon.
   
2. In spite of normally being pretty shocking at mental arithmetic, you’ve a Rainman like ability to instantly know what combinations of loops, laps and doglegs at Ghantoot, Longtoot and Nad Al Sheba will add up to your day’s training target.
   
3. You have a full draw of arm warmers, knee warmers, shoe covers, thermal headbands and gloves for when temperature ‘plummet’ to 14°C.
   
4. You’re used to getting weird looks for cycling in the same direction as traffic.
   
5. You consider a 30°C run to be cool.
   
6. You don’t moan about paying 40% more than anyone else in the world for gear and accessories.
   
7. You’ve never cleaned your chain yourself.
   
8. Heading out in the morning, you’ve bumped into your housemate or neighbour just getting back home.
   
9. You’ve forgotten what it’s like to swim indoors.
   
10. You consider a flyover to be a climb.
    
11. Your A race is in a different continent.
    
12. You enjoy a love-hate relationship with Al Ain and Hatta.
    
13. For years you thought Gu was the only type of gel available, 2XU was the only tri gear manufacturer, and all bikes were made by Scott.
    
14. Starting a ride at 3am seems entirely reasonable, and even sensible.
    
15. You’re Facebook friends with all the local bike shop owners.
    
16. You can’t remember the last time you had to rack your bike in any particular order at a race.
    
17. You’ve never raced in the rain.
    
18. You have three different bikes but have never once even considered riding to work.
    
19. You don’t know what a ‘trail run’ means.
    
20. You don’t know what ‘hill reps’ mean.
    
21. You’ve had a ride slowed due to camels on the road.
    
22. You’ve tried racing gazelles. Gazelles win.
    
23. Your wetsuit gets used for about three weeks a year.
    
24. Your cupboards contain more water bottles, freezer bags and eskies than cups, plates and glasses.
    
25. “HOLE!”