Every day should be a triathlon

Triathletes love their state-of-the-art gimmickry and gadgetry, eh? And it’s amazing how commonplace it is to see cutting-edge technology drip down to triathlon, and just how quickly it gets there.

Today, NASA is revolutionising space exploration by using a radical new composite material; come October, Crowie’s seat post will be made from it. Special Forces have developed a brand new, secret sub-aquatic suit to get operatives moving smoother, quicker, quieter and more efficiently underwater; by Kona, it’ll be Blue Seventy’s latest offering. And somewhere out there a communications genius is developing an algorithm that’ll transform satellite positioning forever; Garmin will release it for $300 by summer.

But what I’ve wondered of late is just why these wonderful creations haven’t made their way into everyday life. How long do kids have to spend learning to tie their shoe laces – time they could spend doing more important things, like playing PS3, watching Harry Potter or rewatching NBC Ironman coverage over and over... surely, we’ve moved past this now. Why can’t we all just use e-laces and be done with it?

Elastic laces: easy

For the uninitiated, arm warmers are long tubes that cyclists (and, therefore, triathletes too) put on their arms to keep warm (now you can see how the name was derived, right?). Intended for those iffy British summer days, or early mornings that start cold and heat up as the day goes on, the usual question they prompt is ‘why don’t you just put a long sleeve top on underneath?’ Well, try taking a top off while cycling along at 40kph and you’ll find out. You can roll arm warmers up and down the arms as conditions change and, if the sun does come out for good, they tuck easily into your pocket. I love my arm warmers and, when heading out for a drink on a Friday afternoon to be met with ‘too cold for a t-shirt, too warm for a jumper’ conditions, have often considered wearing them.

Arm warmers: handy!

And let’s say I go for that drink and it’s time for my round... how many times have you struggled from the bar back to your table conducting some sort of Buckaroo balancing act with four pint glasses in the hands, shot glasses wedged between body and elbows and couple of bottles in the jean pockets? The solution? Three words: alco fuel belt!

Chris Lieto: pissed!

Or, better still, how about alco camelbaks? I can head to the bar, fill my camel pack with two litres of Peroni and whack that bad boy onto the back – hands completely free for doing important things like playing pool and taking girls numbers! Also, there need never be an “OY, MATE, did you spill my pint/drink my bottle?” argie-bargie moment ever again.

Camelbak: filled with lovely beer

The Giro Wine Helmet: commercial flop

All I’m saying is that life would be a bit better if we just treated it like a triathlon. The day’s dragging a bit? That’s fine – adopt an aero position! Finished my cuppa tea and am feeling a bit peckish? Easy – reach behind my chair and I’ll find some pre-prepared nutrition/hydration there. No time to stop en route to that meeting? High speed aid station – just stick your hand out the window and grab a drink. Or pee in your pants and chuck some water over it!

In fact, the tri suit is the greatest creation of all. One item. Three sports. We need a tri-life suit: good for work, casual events and special occasions. Maybe we should take up the suggestion of the mighty Cal Naughton Jr  (aka Mike Honcho, Shake, The Magic Man) and introduce the t-shirt tuxedo. It says I’m formal, but I’m ready to party!

What triathlon/sports items would you like to see make their way into normal everyday life?